Sunday, 25 January 2009


This callous thing i call my heart
some sort of pervasive illusion
the abllity to describe
a temptation to hide
within the smothering lies

not worth esteeming
sidetracking echoes of
an attempt again
made on
my vascillating

Dream on
to the place
where dreams are true
and lies have no hold

in your heart
nestled in your being

Friday, 23 January 2009


So, yeah. . .

The day Obama is sworn in as the first 'black' president of the U.S. I got my first speeding ticket. Yep. The police man kindly pointed out that I could contest the ticket if I wanted to. I smiled at him and said, no need to do that, I am guilty. Nothing quite like condemnation free guilt. . . Of course, I do have to pay the ticket, but hey, God always provides, even for silly things such as going 26 km over the speed limit. Wanna hear my excuse (other than the fact that I like speed on roads i deem safe to speed on) Set my alarm clock wrong. Had to get the puppy to the vet for a spay. Late was I! So speed did I. Who knew that police had technology to catch one speeding in the opposite direction. . . hmmm

So, I got caught. Now, I will have to control my urge to speed out of fear of punishment. Bummer. No more rushing for me.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

Simply dying

It's is funny how the most simply profound truth eludes our grasp (must be the result of unbelief).

Anyway, just saw so clearly. Love that! Much gratitude to the Holy Spirit speaking through Jamie's posts!


Death to Self is believing Jesus. All that He did for us. Trying to die to Self stems from unbelief. When we don't rest in faith, we strive in unbelief. Jesus blood is ENOUGH.

Isn't that SIMPLY wonderful!!!

Wednesday, 7 January 2009


So, moved we here to Saskatchewan. Of our own volition, but not of our own choosing. We had become accustomed to the lush beauty of Vancouver Island. The mild climate. The close proximity to my family members (D's being in the States. . .). The dear. like-minded friends we had stumbled across. But He, the one whom we have entrusted our lives to caused us to move East. To the fierce summer weather and the brutal winter snow. Being that we are somewhat adventurous (possibly I moreso) it wasn't a huge deal. The reason why? Not so clear. Other than what our Father imformed D of: 'I am going to bless you and protect you.'


So, neat things have happened. An amazing job with a wonderful person (whose family we have become close to) who also just moved out from the West Coast to this little prairie town. Very ukranian prairie town. But my heart hasn't been particularly attached to this town or people. Nice people, nice town, but I could easily move on.

However, a few nights ago i had a dream. As usual an odd convoluted dream full of all sorts of stuff I can't remember other than the feel of it. The one part I remember is this: I am looking through a magazine with D, pointing out these different dancers (can't remember why). We get to this page with a full page picture of a girl in complete Ukrananian traditional garb. For some reason D is slow to turn the page. I tell him that it is a Ukranian dancer. As I am staring at her page waiting for Dan to turn the page my heart begins to melt with nothing other than the heart of God and I begin to weep copiously. My heart was being broken for Ukranians. I was so tasting His heart and it was so beyond my understanding. I woke up about then. I have experienced this for particular very wounded individuals and when I have looked through the IRIS min website pic of people in Mozambique. It also happened when I was first married and was a cook at a Christian camp. Ended up at a nightime devotional thing where the a fellow we had just met and been part of seeing him come to Jesus was sharing his testimony (he is also the fellow who is a head pastor and going through brutal stuff which I referred to a couple of posts ago). My husband went up to share (totally out of the blue) and I fell on the floor just bawling (at the back in the hallway). People might call it interceeding. Whatever it is, I know that I am experiencing the heart of love of God for those people at that time. So, my husband shares with these mostly 12 and 13 year olds. They are just being blown away by the Spirit of God. I come up and just let them know what I am feeling God saying. That their pain they have been through is not in vain. That He loves them so much. D prays for them, asks God to have his way. Presence of God so powerful. Kids scatter. Some bawling. One girl weeping.'I am so sorry! I didn't know. I didn't know. . .' Some praying quietly. Some bent prostrate. And some angry camp team members, such as the camps priest (did I mention it was an Anglican camp). Neat time.

So yeah. just thought I would share that. . . Just came out. Mysterious ways. I so love it when He gives me a taste of His heart for others! The other night, for Ukranians. . . Hmm

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

My only struggle is the struggle not to struggle. . .

Came across some choice sayings this evening. Thought whoever might come across this blog would enjoy them as much as I. . .

"Jesus declare,"All power has been given unto me in heaven and in
(Matt 28:18) Is this true? If it is, how much power has the devil got?"

Gee wilikers. How sound is that?! Jesus has all power. Yippee! How reassuring and emboldening is that?!!

"By glory we mean credit due. God cannot share the glory because all
things are of Him and him alone. He would virtually deny Himself. This
he cannot do(2Tim. 2:13). If only half the work is God's then only half
the credit is Gods; but if all the work is God's then all the glory is God's!"

So then, glory is what it is. When man tries to deny the glory of God it truly is the same as denying God. It is who God is. It is a deceived person who tries to touch His Glory. Impossible for God to deny Himself.

"For twenty-five years I tried, like a good Christian, to carry out the
of the Sermon on the Mount and found that I couldn't do it; I failed!
I gave it up in disgust and decided to leave the Sermon of the Mount up
the Mount. It was some years later that I discovered that the Christian
life isn't hard to live; it's impossible to live, and only Jesus can live
it. Then I recognized that my only struggle was the struggle not to

Therein lies the rub. We can't do it.

Therein lies the rest. We can't do it.

Therein lies the joy. Jesus did it all for us!

Therein lies the oxymoron. Strive to enter the Rest.

Pride has no room to stand at the feet of Jesus.

No self effort is required. Only selflessness in the truest sense of the word. "It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me."

Therein lies the truth. Jesus blood shed for us was enough. "Christ in Me, the hope of glory."

What you believe defines you. And if you believe the truth then all the better, for it can't be taken from you. If one clings to the lies, then how troublesome will it be when the lies are revealed and destroyed. AKA building your house upon the rock vs building your house upon the sand. . .

(All 3 quotes were taken from Arthur Burt's book "Surrender, your key to Spiritual Success")

Monday, 5 January 2009

Good things Nasty things

I don't know if we are the only ones this happens to, but it so often seems that when God is doing a rather obvious thing in our hearts / lives that often these nasty things pop up. Now, this is all rather small scale in comparison to what others endure, but as it's happened more than once, it seems there is more to it than just coincidence. Such as last night driving home from a weekend in the big city D and I are talking of truly good things. Being reminded of the truth in unison. So, we get home and big dog goes and deliberately pees (very very stinky urine might I add) in the office all over the carpet we just steam cleaned not a week ago. Then our other little dog poops upstairs. Then baby of the family (20 months as of now) sleeps badly, while our stomachs gurgle and feel a little off. Next day, whiny clingy toddler and then a 4 year old who throws up.

Okay, I am just reminded of something. . .

We have a friend who we have known since he was born of the Spirit. (almost 10 years now). Ended up in a pastoral postion etc etc. This last year has been utterly brutal for him. We hadn't actually been in touch for over a year until this last August. Anyway, we get in touch (due to D having a freaky dream with him in it) and say we are passing by his way and he invites us to stay and visit. So, off we are to visit. Well, the night before we are due to arrive D comes down with the stomach flu. The next day as we travel through the mountains to our friends abode I get sick. So of course we are thinking, gee maybe we shouldn't bring the stomach bug to their house (they have 2 little kids). So we phone and inform them of the problem, but they insist we come regardless. Then we arrive, I come down with a fever now. I take some meds and listen to the horrific story of all the brutal slander, rejection, hatred from a good amount his church members. . . We had no clue as we really had gone through a distant patch with them. Other than the dreams that my husband had that turned out to be right on.

So, anyway, we leave the next day, glad that we were in unity once again, glad that our friend had a neutral friend to share his heart to and quite shocked by the brutality of it all. Anyway, we don't hear from him for a few months, until just before Christmas. He calls, and he and D talk for hours and hours. Just painful stuff that he has been enduring. Lo and behold, whilst they talk I come down with the stomach flu. And D the next day. So, they talked again this last Sat (the weekend in the city) via msn in the hotel. Gee is it any surprise that our daughter has come down with a stomach thing once again - not to mention my stomach feeling fairly lousy at the mo. It didn't even occur to me til I started writing this that we had yet again been in touch with our friend. The three times we (or D - me vicariously) have been in touch with our friend we have come down with a stomach upset! The only 3 times we have been sick and the only 3 times we have been in touch with him, just listening and encouraging Him in the love of God.

3 times in a row!

Oh and get this. while we are travelling (back in August), before we get to our friends house (who has been enduring all this stuff. . .) we are visiting other friends we haven't seen in a long time along the way (travelling from Vancouver Island (where we used to live and friends and family live) to Saskatchen (where we live now). So we get to the first friends house. Have a wonderful edifying unifying time with them. The morning we are to leave our host lifts up a patio chair and accidently breaks her outdoor light. We stop by some dear old friends on the way out of that city for a quick visit. There their coffee table gives way and a bowl breaks. D and I look at each other in bemused amazement. Twice in one day. That evening we arrive at the last friends we are set to visit before we head to our pastor friends home. Would you believe it?! (I would). Our host breaks his wine glass!! 3 in one day.

So yeah, just interesting stuff like that happens sometimes. . .

Friday, 2 January 2009


I can't believe that it has been over a month since I last wrote. Can I blame it on the fact that I have small children? Okay, so I live in a small town, homeschool my oldest (the other 2 are not yet school age), have a couple dogs and have very few friends that I hang out with here (as we recently moved to Saskatchewan) and yet I feel so busy. That is nuts. I don't work and my husband doesn't even work more than 34 hours a week. So, you would look at my situation and think that I've got it good. And really, I do! But I can't figure out where the time goes!!

I sometimes want to move to some needy place in Africa, so that I know that at least my busyness is spent on worthwhile endevours. I have no fear of not measuring up when I die and transfer from here to There, but I do have this constant sense of not wanting to waste my time on earth on frivolous things, when I could be spending it on eternal things of value. So, I don't think it's an identity thing, but rather a genuine urge for spending my time on things of eternal value. And yes, I do consider my family and friends "things" of eternal value. I am talking more of the lifestyle thing. Spending my free time redecorating our house, or watching some tv show, or whatever else. But you know what? I don't live by myself. I don't have the option of popping up and heading for Mozambique and running an orphanage. Dan and I would have to be of like mind in such a move and right now I am the only one who feels this way. It's really not in my hands. I just have to leave this in my Fathers hands, because He is the only one who can sort this all out and place me in the most perfect location.

Okay, so I love it when He sends people our way who are so ready to receive the GRACE of God. Maybe it just feels a little quiet now and I am trying to over analyze everything instead of basking in the pure wonderfulness of God. Yep, I think I am in dire need of basking. If you are reading this, feel free to ask Him to bring me to that lovely spot of revelling in His love and being filled up to overflowing with His love, reality, joy, peace, patience. Tired of my fruits. Not so tasty anymore! Just want to move from His percpective, His power, His life, His love. . . !