This blog is a compilation of revelations of Jesus Christ and my journey throughout. . .
Thursday, 10 December 2009
We had to put our large, gentle, giant dog(half wolf and husky, shepherd, malamute) of 10 years down yesterday. What we orginally thought to be a simple shoulder problem, was quite a lot more serious than that. Bone cancer. Of course we had prayed for him to be healed, before we ever received such a prognosis, but he just didn't get better. The thing is, I didn't realize it would be this hard. I am not such as dog person as I was when I was a child. And this fellow gradually got ousted to the great outdoors after the arrival of children. And I must confess I was not the greatest or kindest owner of the old fellow. I was terrible at walking him and I let Dan do most of the caretaking of him. So, I thought that it would just be a natural progression from him lying around in the dog room area most of the time, to the time when he passed over. But no, it seems so much of our decisions have revolved around him. And so, now that he is no longer with us, we don't have to make decisions (such as traveling or house buying) based on him. Even though he was an independent dog - ran away a million times and didn't like too much cuddling, his presence was always there, always a factor in most of what we did. And it gets me, we lived in some super busy places and he ran away so much, but he ALWAYS came back and he NEVER was harmed. And then we find out he has been suffering from bone cancer. Guys, there were times he ran away and we were so frustrated and irritated that we didn't even care if he came back.
So, why is this so brutal right now? Seriously, last night was an onslaught. The constant tempation of guilt for putting him down. The deceivers whispers were very loud to both of us last night. I haven't experience 'guilt' in a long time. It was horrid. Not surprising though.
The word HE (aka God) spoke to Dan earlier this month was, 'Prepare for Change'. We didn't realize it would include this. Tonight I looked at real estate online that we had been looking at for a while now and it all seemed so pointless. And I know I am tired and worn out and grieving and I have seen Jesus just there stroking my hair. I know this will pass. I know this. I think I am just a little battle worn. . . And naturally grieving of course. It just seems that there is more to this than the obvious. I guess I feel let down or disappointed or disallusioned. Like Toad (our dog's name - ha ha)was more wrapped up in our hopes of what God was going to do in the future. I don't know. I could use a good dose of Joy and Vision right about now :) I would like to experience the reality of Jesus being all that right now. . .
I have 3 kids,1dog and 1 cat, have just moved to the Rockies after a couple years of travelling through Central America and moving about. Love to read, write, contemplate, walk (hike with someone), like to ride bikes, want to get back into horseback riding. I really like to cook and eat good food, but I wouldn't complain if someone else did the cooking and cleaning and laundry. . . I saw what Jesus really did for me whilst at a missions college (actually was off campus at a restaurant called Embers) many years ago now - also is how I met my husband. Love to travel. Love to hang out with like-minded friends long into the night.